All hell breaks loose when jealous woman spotted ex’s new girlfriend at custody handover
By RACHEL BOWMAN, US SENIOR NEWS REPORTER
A Florida woman has been sentenced to life in prison after she shot and killed her ex-boyfriend’s new girlfriend at a custody handover on Christmas Day.
Amanda Janzen, 39, pleaded guilty to the December 2023 shooting of 31-year-old Anna Terrill, reported WCJB.
She killed Terrill after meeting up with the father of her 11-month-old child, Thomas Williams, at a Walgreens parking lot in Gainesville.
Just five days earlier, a judge ruled Janzen and Williams were to split custody of their baby, according to the Alachua Chronicle.
Janzen and Williams had been in a relationship since September 2021, but shortly after she gave birth to their child, she accused him of having an affair.
On the day of the shooting, Janzen drove to the Walgreens with her five kids in tow to meet for the custody exchange.
Janzen waited in the parking lot with a ‘cocked’ firearm for Williams to arrive, according to the police report obtained by The Gainesville Sun.
Police said Terrill was in the car with Williams, and Janzen walked over to their vehicle with the gun behind her back and then shot Terrill three times.
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Amanda Janzen (pictured), 39, pleaded guilty to killing her ex’s new girlfriend at a custody handover on Christmas Day 2023
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She killed the woman after meeting up with the father of her 11-month-old child, Thomas Williams, at a Walgreens parking lot (pictured) in Gainesville
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Anna Terrill (pictured), 31, was in Williams’ car when Janzen walked over with the gun behind her back then shot the woman three times
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She then shot Williams three times and witnesses reported hearing Janzen say, ‘You made this happen.’
Terrill, a mother of four, died from her injuries, and Williams survived. Janzen fled from the parking lot and led police on a 13-mile high-speed chase after the shooting.
During the pursuit, Janzen reportedly called 911 and confessed to the shooting. Her children could be heard begging her to slow down and pull over.
Janzen entered a plea of no contest and was adjudicated guilty on eight counts, including second-degree murder.
At sentencing, she asked for 33 years in prison and to be allowed contact with her children.
‘There isn’t a moment that doesn’t go by that I don’t deeply regret what I’ve done,’ Janzen said in a letter read to the court by her attorney.
‘In all honesty, if I had one wish, it would be for Anna to be here with all her family and friends and for this to have never happened.’
After hearing testimony, the judge Janzen to life in prison and no contact with her children unless the children’s therapist says it’s ok and there’s a hearing.
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Terrill was a substitute teacher and volunteer firefighter who loved spending time outdoors and with her family
Terrill’s family celebrated the sentence claiming Janzen was not remorseful for the killing, she was just sorry she got caught.
‘But the hardest part for me was her defense, trying to turn it around like it wasn’t that big of a deal,’ her niece Brittany Wink told WCJB.
‘Like it could’ve been worse. No, it couldn’t. And she wasn’t remorseful. The only reason she had remorse was because she got caught. She had remorse for herself, not for my aunt.’
Terrill was a substitute teacher and volunteer firefighter who loved spending time outdoors and with her family.
‘Anna loved all babies, and her children were her whole life. She was a very caring person and always wanted to take care of other people,’ her obituary said.
‘The water, whether it be the river or the ocean, was one of Anna’s favorite things and you could find her boating, fishing, and shrimping whenever she got the chance.
‘She also enjoyed shopping, especially at Goodwill and thrift stores. Anna loved football and was an enthusiastic FSU fan.’
Does Your Partner Drive You Nuts? The Passive Aggressive Personality
- By Lisa Grunwald
Asking your mate to empty the dishwasher should theoretically be totally devoid of drama or tension. It’s just one of many chores necessary to keep your home functioning–right?
However, with a passive aggressive personality, any situation has the potential to go from the trivial to emotional combat.
It started with the simple question from my wife, Ellyn, “Pete did you empty the dishwasher?”
I didn’t respond but begrudgingly left the History Channel and headed for the kitchen, knowing I had agreed to do it before now.
Click here for a FREE report on Passive-Aggressive Behavior!
I hadn’t put more than three coffee cups into the cupboard when Ellyn informed me I wasn’t unloading the dishwasher properly.
“Oh, really just what do you suggest?” said I, packing 100 pounds of sarcasm into that question without a shred of genuine curiosity.
Ellyn – seemingly stunningly oblivious – responded as though I had some interest in learning a better way. “Empty the bottom rack first so dishes don’t get dripped on when you empty the top rack.”
I fired the second salvo of sarcasm when thanking her for the lessons on dishwasher liberation.
Many times Ellyn has gotten mad at me for not following through with an agreement. This was the real problem for Ellyn and the dishwasher. After I’d blown numerous promises, she would understandably get tense in her voice and face while expressing her frustration.
OK, so far this is pretty normal stuff for most marriages. But I could take it to new heights. I would criticize Ellyn for the way she got mad at me. I’d change the topic. The problem became her unreasonable way of expressing disappointment instead of my broken agreement.
Doing this tricky psychological maneuver took absolutely no effort, thinking or planning on my part. Just pure instinct. The implication was that if she would just change the way she expressed her frustration the problem would be solved. Better yet, if she just had more patience, I would eventually get around to getting it done.
Poor Ellyn, she was doomed if she got angry and doomed if she said nothing. Welcome to the crazy world of the passive aggressive partner.
Although I wasn’t a full fledged, card carrying passive aggressive personality, I had the qualifications to be an honorary member of the club.
Want more help? Check out our audio workshop on passive aggressive partners.
Here’s a big secret about this problem. Passive aggressive behavior is a very difficult challenge for couples. The passive aggressive person is a pain to live with and very hard to change.
Here’s why. Passive-aggressive people are typically hypersensitive to actual or perceived criticism. Especially when they don’t follow through with promises. Here’s the kicker. They have great gobs of good reasons for not following through with crucial agreements.
For example, I could blame my failure to complete agreements on ADD. Or I might say that I suffer from a condition of temporary and intermittent cognitive slippage (which is only a devious description of being lazy and forgetful).
This is a problem that affects both partners, but in different ways. The passive aggressive person generally feels they are under assault and no matter what they do, they cannot please their partner. “Jeez, I can’t even empty the dishwasher right!”
The other partner believes they cannot depend on the passive aggressive mate to reliably follow through. Even if I am 80% reliable, as I would sometimes point out to Ellyn, she has no idea what the 80% will be or when it will be completed. This screws up the logistical part of being an effective team which supports being an effective couple.
So what causes this aggravating problem that painfully affects both partners in different ways? Most passive aggressive folks have two things in common:
1. A highly critical parent or parents, resulting in a high sensitivity to being judged on performance.
2. A lot of painful disappointments in life. This results in a reflexive coping mechanism that severely restricts their hopes and desires in life. Minimizing desires is a subconscious attempt to avoid getting hopes up and then dashed which triggers a warehouse of painful disappointments stored in the emotional brain.
It becomes much easier for passive aggressive people to say what they don’t want than what they do want.
It’s like running life’s race with your shoelaces tied. But the frustration of living a life of pinched desires leaks out in being “obstructionistic” – to their spouse, therapist, boss, and anyone else that might have a say, or at least a suggestion, about what they should do.
“I don’t like anyone telling me what to do, including myself,” said Bill, who has a passive aggressive personality. This is not an easy mind-set for a spouse to live with.
All in all nobody is happy.
Passive aggressive behavior can show up in other subtle ways. Hard core passive aggressive people rarely initiate doing leisure joint activities, buying things, going places, celebrating special occasions, planning surprises, or giving compliments, and they often have a hard time buying gifts.
So what can you do? This is a complex question with no easy answer. The solutions to this problem are extremely hard to summarize with the clarity and brevity required for a newsletter column. Next month I’ll describe why passive aggressive behavior is a systemic problem and what both partners need to do. In the meantime, it should be some small comfort to understand some of the challenges and to recognize what you’re dealing with.
My Husband’s Ex-Wife Is Destroying Our Marriage
Today we have a guest post by a woman struggling with her husband’s ex’s involvement in their life. This woman has gone through a lot and could use your support in the comments especially if you’ve ever experienced this type of situation. Take it away, guest poster!
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When I turned 30, my mother hired a psychic for my party. Now, don’t tear me apart and tell me how psychics are the devil and I will go to hell for seeing one, etc. I know how some people feel about them. More power to ya. I just don’t feel that way. I think it’s all in good fun-or I used to.
Anyway, for two plus hours all of us sat around a table with our jaws on the floor at what she said. When she got to me, she told me I was going to move out of state and it was going to be sooner than later and that I would reconnect with my first love. I knew exactly who she was talking about, but didn’t think much about it. I was happily married, had a sweet little boy and a great step-son and had no intention of moving anywhere.
Flash forward 5 months later and there he was, my first love. Right there in front of me and very much interested. I always had unresolved feelings for him so it escalated fast. I divorced my husband and almost 14 months to the day, moved-1000+ miles away. No family, no friends, new job, new daycare. I chose to give up everything for him and for us. I couldn’t help but keep those psychic’s words in the back of my mind.
From the moment I landed in my new state, it was anything but a dream come true. He had two children from his prior marriage and a VERY bitter and mean ex-wife. She would call constantly, demanding this and demanding that. Always texting, always calling and using the kids as her reason of contact. It was BS. The woman is incapable of life, basically. She was going to do everything possible to be the third person in our relationship and he set no boundaries with her. He thought she’d try to keep the kids away from him—but everyone around knew that would never happen, except for him.
We fought constantly. He said he put up with it for the kids. I agree with that to a point, but it had far exceeded that. There was no schedule, no routine, no depending upon anything except that she would be there to mess up anything we did plan. My son and I constantly took a backseat to their business. One of his children constantly bullied my son and was very physical, pushing and hitting. My son was 3 at that time. When I tried to discipline, my significant other would get angry at me and tell me how he didn’t have them all the time and he didn’t want to spend the weekend punishing his kids.
The kids literally ruled the house. I had come from being married to someone with a child who was so polar opposite to this, I had no idea how to adjust. I came from a place of respecting adults, not letting children run the show and having boundaries for ex-spouses. There had been bedtimes, chores, rules…. There was none of that in this set up-at all.
We entered into counseling. I was willing to do anything to help this situation. I believe counseling was/is hard for him. He doesn’t share the same views the counselor has. He doesn’t believe you put your spouse ahead of your children. (Yes, I know there are exceptions to this rule-sometimes kids have to come first, but still.)
It helped/helps for short periods, but it always ends up going back to how it was/is. His ex-did everything she could to make sure those kids did not like me. She told them they didn’t have to listen to me, that their father loved my son more than he loved his own kids, the list went on and on. No matter what I did, it was a constant battle and he did nothing to combat that or help the situation.
On one particular occasion, I took his daughter for a girls day, mani, pedi, lunch. When she went to her mother’s that evening all holy HELL broke loose. Apparently, she had planned a girls night with her to do that and I had obviously RUINED her life. Neither my significant other or I had any idea of what her plans were but that didn’t matter. She called his mother and ranted and raved about how I had ruined their night and how terrible I was. Instead of him standing up for me, he told her we’d ask her next time if it was okay…..I remember standing there…dumbfounded. He avoided everything. ALL the time.
I remember one time she pulled into the yard and yelled out her window that I was a whore. The neighbors were all outside and you could have heard a pin drop. She just kept ranting and raving and carrying on. He did nothing. He got mad at me for being outside when she came….me being out there had antagonized her. Yes, you can blink now. That happened.
I was not allowed to pick them up, drop them off, school events were always a bitch—I always went, I never missed one-was at every ball game—which I might add, she NEVER went to but it would always be followed by a phone call from her to him (or a text battle) about how I shouldn’t be there and they aren’t my kids. He would get mad and take it out on me. She called before one particular event and told him I could not go. That “the kids” did not want me there. Instead of standing up to her and telling her to “go screw” or something equally as kind, we just didn’t go.
She called/calls all the shots. I finally just gave up. I stopped interacting, talking, asking….either I would be ignored anyway or it would cause a fight between him and I when I said how disrespectful it was to have kids treat an adult as they were. I literally tried EVERYTHING the therapist suggested. It didn’t matter. I understand them being caught between their mother and their dad’s new gf but being disrespectful and rude is just not ever okay.
Flash forward 4 years. I finally had enough. I packed up my son and moved out. He cried and carried on but I knew things were at a standstill. I had threatened to leave before but this time was different. We agreed to try and work things out…but you can imagine how that is going. Now that I am out, she acts like she’s his wife again. His phone rings constantly when we are together and if he doesn’t answer, the texts start. He cancels our plans 8/10 times if she calls and tells him he needs to take the kids, which included our anniversary weekend when she suddenly had a “conference” she had to go to.
The behavior issues have increased tenfold with one of his children and now she uses that to get what she wants from him. It’s terrible to watch the man you love be completely manipulated but it’s also sucked the life out of me. The drama and inconsistency of ANYTHING-besides her being an ass pain- has made me unrecognizable. I miss laughing. I miss being relaxed and I am angry for giving up everything for a man who is ruled by his ex.
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Wow, that is a hard situation. Please leave this poster some empathy and support in the comments. Although it’s not exactly the situation, you can read Co-parenting with a Toxic Ex. And till we meet again, I remain, The Blogapist Who Says There Are No Easy Answers Here.
For therapy, go here for Dr. Whiten and go here for other clinicians in her group practice Best Life Behavioral Health. For coaching with Dr. Whiten, go here. To join the Midlife Women’s Group, go here.
Order Dr. Whiten’s books, Couples You Meet in Counseling: 7 Common Relationship Dynamics That Sabotage Closeness, 52 Emails to Transform Your Marriage and How to Talk to Your Kids about Your Divorce: Healthy, Effective Communication Techniques for Your Changing Family, and listen to The Dr. Psych Mom Show on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or anywhere else you listen to podcasts. Join The Dr. Psych Mom secret Facebook group for more discussion about these kinds of issues!
This blog is not intended as medical advice or diagnosis and should in no way replace consultation with a medical professional. If you try this advice and it does not work for you, you agree that I have no liability and you cannot sue me. This information is only my opinion, based on my background, training, and experience as a therapist and person. Also, all examples involving people or clients are hypothetical amalgams, not actual people.
