Why Your Toddler’s ‘No!’ Phase Is So Important (And How To Survive It)
If your toddler responds to seemingly mundane requests with the word “no,” you can rest assured: your child is very, very normal. Here’s how to deal.
Photo: iStockphoto
My toddler will be a wonderfully strong adult. My toddler will be a wonderfully strong adult. My toddler will be a wonderfully strong adult.
I say this to myself approximately 328 times a day, silently and emphatically. It generally coincides with the 328 times a day that my daughter not-so-silently but very emphatically says “No!” to my every request.
No, she will not wear gloves in below-zero weather.
No, she will not eat the strawberry waffles that she begged me to make.
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No, she will not wear the gorgeous holiday dress that Grandma bought for her because it doesn’t have pockets or a dog motif. (The nerve!)
Of course, I want my daughter to be strong and independent and to stand up for herself. That’s important for all kids, and especially for our girls. Still, is it too much to ask for her to be a teensy bit more easygoing and reasonable with me?
Apparently, the answer is yes, it is too much to ask, because she’s two. But even as I lament these Terrible Twos (and the upcoming “threenager” year), I know how important this “no” stage is for all children. We just have to figure out how to get through it with our sanity semi-intact.
Why you should say “yes” to the “no” phase
Toddlerhood is a developmental powder keg for children. As Kathryn Smerling, a New York City–based family psychologist, explains, “They’re experiencing the most rapid brain development of their lives throughout this period—a whopping 700 new neural connections every second.”
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Turns out, that little “no” actually has a big job. The frontal lobe—the part of the brain that handles planning, impulse control and emotional regulation—is still under construction at this age. So when your toddler fires off a dramatic “NO!” before you even finish your sentence, it’s not rebellion; it’s biology. Their brain literally isn’t ready to process and comply at adult speed yet.
A 2023 study found that when parents stay calm and respond with empathy instead of control, toddlers end up with better emotional regulation and fewer meltdowns later on. Basically, your chill energy is teaching their nervous system how to chill, too.
Part of that developmental burst leads to the “no” phase. Our children are becoming their own little people—with their own thoughts and opinions. They are just figuring out that they’re not literal extensions of us, and that separation is essential for them to become functional individuals. That’s why Smerling thinks of this stage as the Tremendous Twos instead of the Terrible Twos.
But make no mistake about it: A “no” is also meant to test you. Will you give in? Will you put your foot down? It’s a mystery to your toddler! “The way parents respond to limit-setting behaviours is how young children learn,” explains Cindy Huang, Assistant Professor of Counseling Psychology at Teachers College, Columbia University. “They learn rules about their own behaviours and how to navigate the complex social world around them.”
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Plus, letting kids make small choices helps toddlers build confidence, language skills and self-regulation faster. Every time you let your kid choose between oatmeal and eggs, you’re giving them a mini life-skills class in decision-making.
And that newfound voice of theirs? It also helps them set their own limits so that they forge healthy relationships and even protect themselves from sexual assault. “If a child doesn’t want to be hugged or kissed by another child or adult, their ‘no’ should be respected and listened to,” says Huang. “It’s crucial that we understand the context for the ‘no.’”
There’s a lot wrapped up in that little two-letter word—and it’s all really important.
How to outwit a willful toddler
If you’re a toddler parent, you’re probably thinking, Yeah, yeah, I’ll appreciate the wonders of this stage later. Right now, I need to leave the house sometime this century without having an all-out war.
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How can you achieve that seemingly impossible goal? For starters, don’t argue with your toddler. You will not win, and it will end in tears—for both of you. Also, remember that employing smart strategies now will lay the groundwork for a strong, positive relationship between you and your child later. These six techniques can help.
Put your toddler in charge
This isn’t as terrifying as it sounds. Give your child two options—and only two options so she’s not overwhelmed, both of which you’re okay with. For example: “Would you like eggs or oatmeal for breakfast?” or “Would you like to brush your teeth or put on your pyjamas first?” This strategy can help you avoid a “no” from the get-go.
And science totally backs this one up. Research shows that when parents give toddlers structured freedom—clear rules with space to decide within them—kids are more cooperative and less meltdown-prone. It’s not “letting them win”; it’s teaching emotional intelligence disguised as breakfast choices.
Don’t react right away
It’s hard not to lose your cool when your kid asks for a cracker, gets said cracker, and then suddenly throws it on the floor and has an epic tantrum about it now being on the floor. But you’ll only add fuel to the fire if you yell or demand a rational explanation for that irrational action. Instead, suggests Smerling, “Acknowledge that they don’t want the cracker and leave them alone. Don’t try to bargain with them or make them stop the tantrum. Just pause. You might find that just a few minutes later, they’re through with the crackers now.” That simple little pause can defuse the situation. Then you can move on to another activity and put the cracker trauma behind you.
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Let them help you
Toddlers want to be grown-up—and to be just like you. To that end, make them feel essential to a task’s success. Ask them to gather their stuffed animals for a car trip or have them retrieve an item from the grocery store shelf. Whenever my toddler hears the phrase, “I really need your help,” I’m always rewarded with the biggest smile—and actual help! It may only last for 10 seconds, but it’s enough to make everyone happy and proud.
Try “strategic ignoring”
While this may not help you during a public tantrum, it can help over the long haul. According to Huang, it entails praising your child’s desired behaviours—and not only ignoring the undesired ones but also redirecting your attention elsewhere. “You are actually doing a ton of parenting when you’re strategically ignoring,” she says. “You’re watching and waiting for the very moment when your child starts doing the desired behaviour so you can immediately follow up with praise.”
Employ the ancient art of distraction
When all else fails, try playing peek-a-boo or breaking out into song. Laughter will usually follow because Mommy or Daddy is so silly, and wait—what was I saying no to in the first place?
Say “yes” sometimes!
When it comes to the big things (and, of course, the dangerous things), be consistent with your “no.” It should always mean no—today and tomorrow, regardless of the magnitude of the hissy fit. Otherwise, tantrums seem like the path to success, and bad behaviour can escalate. But sometimes parents get stuck in a “no” rut. Your toddler says “no,” and you say it right back, almost without thinking. But is your child’s differing opinion really that big of a deal? If not—like if she doesn’t want to wear the outfit you’ve chosen for her—say “yes” to her “no” and let her make her own choice. She’ll feel like she has a little bit of the power she so desperately wants and her frustration will disappear.
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When to worry
The “no” phase is usually a healthy flex of independence—basically your toddler’s first taste of agency. But if refusals are extreme, constant, or tied to big developmental delays (like speech or social skills), a quick chat with your pediatrician can help rule out anything deeper. Most of the time, though, “no” just means: I’m learning how to be me.
Why it’s so hard to make a reliable self-driving car
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A Waymo autonomous self-driving Jaguar electric vehicle is seen in the Manhattan borough of New York City on Dec 13, 2025.
PHOTO: AFP
Stefan Nicola
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Self-driving vehiclesSummary
- Autonomous vehicle development faces high costs, complexity, regulatory scrutiny, and reputational risks from accidents, hindering widespread adoption despite early optimism.
- Waymo expands its robotaxi service while Tesla’s “robotaxi” faces delays and regulatory investigations; both still fall short of achieving full Level 5 autonomy.
- Companies like Ford, VW, and Apple have scaled back or abandoned self-driving car projects due to challenges, focusing instead on driver-assistance features (ADAS).
AI generated
Published Jan 16, 2026, 03:15 PM
Updated Jan 16, 2026, 04:53 PM
Two decades ago, the US military kicked off the race to build self-driving cars by sending a fleet of fledgling robot vehicles across the Mojave Desert in its seminal Darpa challenge.
By 2015, autonomous vehicle technology was being widely pursued, and the industry was abuzz with predictions that driverless cars would soon be everywhere.
It did not happen. Some legacy carmakers and start-ups abandoned their efforts, citing excessive costs and complexity. Regulators stepped up scrutiny of the emerging technology after crashes involving cars equipped with partial-automation systems.
The companies still making progress are proceeding with caution, aware of the heavy reputational damage when someone is injured or killed by a self-driving car.
a venture of Google parent Alphabet, introduced its driverless taxi service to a fourth major US city in March through a
partnership with Uber Technologies.
launched a “robotaxi” service with roughly 10 or 20 Model Y cars operating under human supervision in parts of Austin, Texas, in June. It was still a far cry from what chief executive Elon Musk pledged in 2019, when he said the carmaker was a year away from putting one million robotaxis on the road.
Who is leading the way in driverless cars?
Mr Musk eventually wants to offer a fully autonomous ride-hailing service using a purpose-built two-seater called Cybercab. Production of the vehicle – a prototype of which has no steering wheel – may start in 2026.
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But Tesla has a track record of unmet promises, and it still is not clear how the company intends to make the leap from selling advanced driver-assistance features to full autonomy.
Federal regulators are investigating the suite of driver-assist features that Tesla markets as Full Self-Driving after multiple crashes, one of which resulted in a fatality. The National Highway Traffic Safety Administration said it was looking into incidents where Tesla robotaxis appeared to violate traffic laws during their first day offering paid rides in Austin.
Waymo is making the biggest strides for now, with its robotaxis well-established in Phoenix, Los Angeles and San Francisco. The company plans to bring them to Atlanta this summer after debuting its service in Austin in March.
Waymo is looking to incorporate some of its technology into Toyota’s passenger cars, which could democratise autonomous-driving features.
China has been a hotbed of activity, thanks to dozens of start-ups, with several companies expanding globally.
WeRide, which in May secured another US$100 million (S$128.6 million) investment from its US partner Uber, plans to expand its robotaxi offering to Dubai and Europe.
Baidu is planning to test and eventually launch its Apollo Go autonomous ride-hailing service in Europe. It has one of China’s largest robotaxi fleets, operating in cities such as Beijing and Guangzhou.
At times, however, it can seem as if every advance is matched by a serious setback.
Tesla Robotaxis are big on Wall Street but lagging on roads
In Los Angeles, the robot cars have come for the kids
Who has been having problems?
Ford Motor and Volkswagen shut down their self-driving business Argo AI in October 2022, a dramatic turn of events for a business that had more than 2,000 workers and for a time considered an initial public share offering.
Ford, which wrote down its US$2.7 billion investment in Argo, formed a new unit to focus on driver-assist features.
VW’s chief executive Oliver Blume later axed Audi’s plans for a self-driving vehicle because of slow progress. The German carmaker is still making some efforts, including via partnerships with suppliers Robert Bosch, Mobileye Global and Horizon Robotics.
Apple sank billions of dollars into trying to develop a vehicle with so-called Level 4 or 5 driving automation capability before deciding in February 2024 to shut down its car project. Several smaller driverless-car start-ups have abandoned their efforts.
General Motors ended its Cruise venture in 2025 after one of its robotaxis struck a pedestrian in San Francisco in October 2023. The company shifted resources towards trying to develop autonomous vehicles it could sell to consumers and improving its Super Cruise driver-assistance features.
In May, GM hired Mr Sterling Anderson, a former head of Tesla’s Autopilot efforts.
Aurora Innovation announced in May that it was putting a human back behind the wheel of driverless trucks in Texas, reversing course less than three weeks after starting a commercial service there. Aurora said the decision to move an “observer” from the rear of the cabin into the driver’s seat was made at the request of truckmaker Paccar.
What is the challenge with full autonomy?
To get a passenger safely to his or her destination, Level 5 autonomous systems must be able to deal with any conceivable situation in every possible location, in all weather, day or night. All this requires a lot of sensors and sophisticated computers that gobble up computing power and are expensive to develop.
Some of the unlikely scenarios and freak incidents they will need to cope with may not even have happened yet. Split-second manoeuvres can involve decisions that require complex trade-offs that can be a challenge even for a human. For example, do you swerve and collide with an elderly couple to avoid killing a child?
Even if self-driven cars end up being involved in fewer accidents than those driven by humans, regulators have less tolerance for mistakes made by a machine, partly as the technology’s proponents have touted improved safety as one of the advantages of vehicle autonomy.
What are the alternatives to full autonomy?
Advanced driver-assistance systems – known as ADAS – are helping drivers to park, stay in their lane and avoid objects using cameras, radar and other sensors. The systems can alert drivers and, in some cases, briefly take control of the car to avoid collisions.
Carmakers are increasingly offering ADAS in their vehicles. One of the first lower-level automation offerings was the anti-lock braking system, introduced more than four decades ago, which became standard equipment. More recent systems offer features such as emergency braking and automated parking.
How smart are these systems?
The industry categorises automation systems from Levels 0 to 5. Level 0 features simply pass on information to the driver, like sounding a warning when he or she is driving out of a traffic lane.
Tesla’s Autopilot is classified as Level 2 because it requires constant driver input and supervision, much in the way a pilot oversees certain automated systems in a plane’s cockpit.
Mercedes-Benz is offering Level 3 automation – requiring neither hands on the steering wheel nor eyes on the road – in select vehicles under certain conditions in parts of Germany and the US.
The robotaxis being tested in the US and China could be categorised as more advanced Level 4 systems, but these vehicles are limited in terms of where they can go. The pinnacle – which has yet to be achieved – would be Level 5 cars that can drive autonomously everywhere and in all conditions. BLOOMBERG